I Spent Years Running From Myself Until Recovery Taught Me to Be Seen
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With Isabel.
On this week’s episode of Crosstalk Podcast, we speak with Isabel, who spent years trying to escape pain, secrecy, shame, and addiction while searching for a life that finally felt like her own.
From leaving home at 16 and moving across the world to struggling with alcohol and other substances, entering treatment, experiencing a long period of “Cali Sober,” and eventually putting everything down in 2017, Isabel’s story is about much more than getting sober.
It’s a story about learning to accept yourself, letting people love you, finding purpose through service, and discovering the freedom that comes when you no longer have to hide.
Growing Up Feeling Unseen
Isabel grew up in Portland, Oregon, in a religious family that was deeply focused on creating a “perfect” family.
When her sister developed a chronic illness and spent significant time in the hospital, Isabel learned to adapt. She found ways to cope with feeling overlooked, including creating imaginary worlds, making people laugh, and trying not to cause problems.
Eventually, secrecy became part of her life.
She began sneaking out, lying about where she was going, and creating a private world her family knew very little about. What started as a desire to make her own choices gradually became a pattern of hiding.
Freedom Came With a Cost
At 16, Isabel moved out against her parents’ wishes because she desperately wanted to make her own decisions and create her own life.
She filled that life with travel, festivals, relationships, and new experiences. But changing her surroundings didn’t change what she was carrying inside.
She eventually realized that whenever something painful happened, her instinct was to leave. A difficult experience could mean taking a trip, changing locations, or finding somewhere new to start over.
That pattern followed her from Portland to Paris and eventually to Bali.
The geography changed.
The problems came with her.
When Nightlife Took Over Her Life
In Paris, Isabel experienced travel, modeling, parties, and independence. But the same struggles followed her.
Eventually, she moved to Bali, where she worked with children at an outdoor school while also becoming increasingly involved in nightlife.
Her relationship at the time was also intertwined with substance use. She describes her partner putting pills in her mouth while she was working, and she would take them without really questioning what they were.
Slowly, the nightlife began taking over the parts of her life she actually loved.
She and her partner repeatedly promised each other they would stop drinking.
They couldn't.
Turning His Worst Years Into a Story
After getting sober in 2007, Ned began rebuilding his life.
He went to treatment in Hawaii, lived in a sober house, returned to acting, and eventually moved back to New York.
But there was another thing he knew he needed to do.
Write.
His father had been a writer, and Ned had always carried that part of his family history with him.
Eventually, he began turning his experiences with addiction, prison, recovery, family, and acting into an autobiographical one-man show called Lost in Del Valle.
What started as pages of writing eventually became a full performance where Ned portrays around 19 characters.
The people from his past became characters on stage.
The prison became part of the story.
The darkest years of his life became something he could share with an audience.
The Road to Rehab Wasn't What She Expected
Eventually, Isabel knew her relationship and lifestyle could not continue.
She broke off her engagement and found herself on the road to rehab, although getting there looked nothing like a clean or organized decision.
After missing a flight and ending up at LAX, she got into a taxi and asked the driver to take her to liquor stores. Instead, the driver, who happened to be connected to Alcoholics Anonymous, took her to an emergency room.
That ultimately led Isabel to Miracles Detox and the beginning of her recovery journey.
But getting sober wasn't the end of the story.
It was the beginning.
Why “Cali Sober” Wasn't Enough
Isabel remained sober from alcohol for years, but she wasn't completely free.
She describes spending roughly six years in what she calls “Cali Sober,” continuing to hold onto other substances and keeping parts of her life secret.
Eventually, she reached what she describes as a spiritual bottom.
She realized that simply removing alcohol wasn't enough. There were deeper wounds, grief, behaviors, and patterns that she had never really dealt with.
In 2017, she finally put everything down.
That was when the real work began.
Why Isabel's Story Matters
Addiction isn't always obvious.
Sometimes it looks like adventure.
Sometimes it looks like independence.
Sometimes it looks like having a great job, traveling the world, making friends, or appearing completely fine.
Isabel's story shows how easy it can be to run from pain without realizing you're carrying the same pain with you.
Recovery, for her, wasn't simply about removing substances.
It was about learning to stop running, let people in, accept herself, serve others, build trust, and finally live without hiding.
And perhaps the biggest lesson is this:
You don't have to have your entire life figured out to believe that something better is waiting for you.
You haven't met everyone you're going to love.
You haven't experienced everything you're going to love doing.
And your story doesn't have to end where your worst chapter did.
FAQs
Who is Isabel and why is her story important?
Isabel is a woman in long-term recovery who shares her experiences with addiction, sobriety, spirituality, service, and personal transformation. Her story explores what happens when recovery moves beyond simply stopping substance use and becomes a process of learning to accept yourself and let others see you.
Did Isabel get sober after going to rehab?
Yes. Isabel went to Miracles Detox after a difficult period in her life. However, she later recognized that her initial approach to sobriety still involved other substances and secrecy. She ultimately put everything down in 2017 and began a deeper process of recovery and personal transformation.
What does Isabel mean by being “seen”?
For Isabel, being seen means no longer hiding behind a performance or trying to become someone she thinks other people will accept. Her recovery taught her that she could show up as herself and still be worthy of love and belonging.
What role does spirituality play in Isabel's recovery?
Spirituality became an important part of Isabel's recovery and her understanding of service. She describes recovery as something connected to feeding her spiritual life and helping others.
What is the biggest lesson from Isabel's story?
You cannot always escape pain by changing your surroundings. Sometimes the real transformation begins when you stop running, allow yourself to be known, accept support, and start building a life rooted in connection, accountability, service, and love.
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I Spent Years Running From Myself Until Recovery Taught Me to Be Seen