I Lost My Father on 9/11. Then I Lost Myself to Addiction.
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With Matt Bocchi.
On this week’s episode of Crosstalk Podcasts, we speak with Matt Bocchi, who lost his father in the September 11 attacks when he was just nine years old.
What followed was a complicated journey through grief, anxiety, trauma, sexual abuse, alcoholism, and drug addiction.
But Matt’s story is not only about what happened to him.
It is about what happened next: how he learned to confront the pain he had spent years trying to escape, find recovery, become honest about his experiences, and eventually use his story to help other people speak up about their own.
Losing His Father on 9/11
Matt grew up in New Jersey as the oldest of four brothers. Before 9/11, he describes his childhood as relatively normal, with a hardworking father who was deeply involved in his family, community, church, and his children's lives.
Then September 11, 2001 changed everything.
Matt was nine years old and in fourth grade when he was pulled from his classroom and told that a small plane had hit his father's building.
His father worked at Cantor Fitzgerald in the World Trade Center.
That morning, his father called Matt's mother from the building. He told her they were evacuating and that he was okay.
He later called her one final time.
“I love you forever.”
The call ended.
Matt's father never came home.
For a nine-year-old child, the loss was impossible to fully understand. But the effects of that day would follow Matt for years.
Growing Up as “The Child of 9/11”
After losing his father, Matt wanted to be a normal kid.
He played sports. He had friends. He went to school.
But everywhere he went, he felt like there was a label attached to him.
He was one of the “children of 9/11.”
The tragedy that had taken his father became something other people associated with him.
He describes feeling watched, pitied, and judged when what he really wanted was simply to be seen as Matt.
The grief never disappeared.
Instead, he found ways to cope with it.
Sports gave him an outlet. Competition gave him something to focus on.
Eventually, though, he discovered another way to change how he felt.
Drugs and alcohol.
When Drugs Became an Escape
Matt began drinking at 14.
At first, he didn't enjoy it. But marijuana gave him something he hadn't experienced before: relief from the noise in his head.
He became extremely good at hiding his substance use.
On the outside, he appeared to be doing well. He had good grades, played sports, and looked like the “golden boy.”
Inside, he was struggling with anxiety, grief, and questions about his father's death that he couldn't answer.
Even while receiving grief counseling and therapy, Matt wasn't telling the whole truth.
He shared just enough.
He kept the deeper parts hidden.
And eventually, another traumatic experience would make his addiction worse.
The Abuse He Kept Hidden
Around the same period, Matt was sexually abused by an uncle through marriage.
The abuse began when Matt was young and continued as the uncle gradually built trust and crossed boundaries.
Matt describes how difficult it was to process what was happening, especially while he was already struggling with his father's death and desperately looking for answers about what had happened on 9/11.
He also explains why coming forward as a male survivor was so difficult.
There was stigma.
There was fear of how people would perceive him.
There were questions about masculinity and assumptions about what being abused might mean about him.
So he stayed silent.
The trauma became another thing he carried alone.
And his substance use inc
From Adderall to Oxycodone
When Matt got to college, his substance use took a much more dangerous turn.
He had been diagnosed with ADD as a child but had never taken the medication prescribed for him.
In college, he was introduced to Adderall.
At first, it helped him focus and quiet the noise in his head.
Then he began abusing it.
Eventually, he discovered oxycodone.
The first time he took it, Matt experienced something completely different from anything he had felt before.
The drug didn't just make him feel good.
It shut everything off.
The grief.
The shame.
The trauma.
The emotions.
For a moment, he no longer felt like the kid who had lost his father on 9/11.
And almost immediately, he knew he was in serious trouble.
Within weeks, he was addicted.
When Addiction Took Over
What started with pills eventually escalated.
Matt moved from abusing prescription medication to buying pills, selling pills, and eventually using heroin.
He describes the progression of addiction with painful honesty.
The drugs became less about getting high and more about escaping.
He also began crossing boundaries he had once promised himself he never would.
At one point, he injected heroin.
That moment became another indication of just how far his addiction had taken him.
He had once told himself there were things he would never do.
Addiction slowly erased those boundaries.
Why Matt's Story Matters
Matt's journey shows how trauma can take many forms and how the things we don't talk about can continue shaping our lives.
His addiction wasn't simply about drugs.
It was connected to grief, shame, anxiety, abuse, and the desire to escape feelings that seemed impossible to carry.
Recovery gave him a different option.
Instead of running from his story, he began facing it.
Instead of hiding his pain, he began speaking about it.
Instead of allowing his past to define him, he began using it to help others.
His story is ultimately about honesty, resilience, recovery, and the power of being willing to rise after falling.
FAQs
Who is Matt Bocchi?
Matt Bocchi is a speaker, author, and person in recovery who shares his experiences with childhood grief, addiction, sexual abuse, and sobriety. He uses his story to speak with young people about addiction, trauma, and the importance of speaking up.
How did Matt's father's death affect him?
Matt lost his father in the September 11 attacks when he was nine years old. The loss shaped much of his childhood and contributed to years of grief, anxiety, and questions about what had happened to his father.
How did Matt's addiction begin?
Matt began drinking as a teenager and found that marijuana helped quiet some of the emotional noise he was experiencing. His substance use later progressed to prescription medications, oxycodone, heroin, and other substances.
What helped Matt get sober?
After years of addiction and attempts to avoid confronting the problem, Matt eventually chose to surrender and seek treatment. He checked himself into detox, beginning the recovery journey that would eventually lead him to long-term sobriety.
Why does Matt speak to students about his experiences?
Matt discovered that sharing his story could encourage young people to speak about their own experiences with abuse, trauma, and addiction. He says the goal isn't simply to educate students about drugs, but to help them identify what may be driving them to escape from themselves and give them the courage to speak up.
What is the central lesson from Matt's story?
Matt's story demonstrates the importance of honesty, connection, and confronting the experiences we may spend years trying to escape. His recovery has allowed him to turn experiences that once brought shame and pain into a way of helping others.
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I Lost My Father on 9/11. Then I Lost Myself to Addiction.