Overcoming Shame and Addiction | A Journey of Resilience and Recovery
Listen or watch on your favorite platforms
Show Notes
Alan shares his journey from growing up in the South, facing shame as a gay man, and battling addiction, to finding recovery and rediscovering joy. His story of resilience during the AIDS crisis is inspiring and relatable. Tune in to learn about the path from darkness to light and how overcoming shame can lead to true fulfillment.
Growing Up
Alan’s childhood in a small Southern town was fraught with challenges, particularly around his identity as a gay man in a deeply religious and conservative community. He grew up with the constant fear of rejection from his family and society, instilled by messages like “God hated [expletive],” leading to feelings of shame and isolation. He learned early on to hide his true self, adopting coping mechanisms to fit in while inwardly feeling broken.
First Time Engaging in Behavioral Addiction
Like many others in the LGBTQ+ community, Alan found solace in substances. Alcohol and drugs provided a brief respite from the shame and societal rejection he felt. The substances silenced the sirens of shame, offering temporary relief but planting the seeds of addiction that would later spiral out of control.
Active Addiction
Addiction infiltrated Alan’s life as he poured alcohol and drugs into the “crack” created by years of internalized shame. As a gay man growing up in a hostile environment, he turned to substance use as a means of escape. Yet, the more he relied on substances, the more disconnected he became from his authentic self, trapped in a cycle of hiding, performing, and seeking validation.
Hitting Bottom
The AIDS crisis of the 1980s marked the lowest point in Alan’s life. He lost countless friends and lovers to the disease, burying two boyfriends in the process. AIDS forced him to confront not only death but his unresolved shame and unhealed trauma. The fear of dying and the relentless grief was suffocating, leading him to question his purpose and whether life had anything left to offer.
Getting Help
Alan’s recovery journey was unconventional, fueled not just by the need to overcome substance abuse but by a deeper desire to reconcile with his identity and the trauma of the AIDS crisis. Moving to Palm Springs, where he found acceptance and community, played a pivotal role in his healing. He also embraced therapy, ultimately becoming a therapist himself, and authored The Velvet Rage, which chronicles the journey from shame to joy, empowering countless gay men.
What Things Look Life Today
Today, Alan is thriving. Living in Palm Springs, he continues to serve others as a therapist and speaker, helping people—especially those in the LGBTQ+ community—navigate their own journeys of shame, trauma, and recovery. He celebrates nearly 40 years of being HIV-positive, grateful for his life and the opportunities he’s had to make a difference. Allan’s story is one of resilience, hope, and the pursuit of joy.
FAQs
What is the connection between shame and addiction?
Addiction often stems from unresolved shame, with substances or behaviors providing temporary relief from the emotional pain.
How does one overcome the shame of their past?
Acknowledging and confronting the source of shame is the first step toward healing and finding joy.
What role does community play in recovery?
A supportive community can offer understanding, acceptance, and guidance in overcoming addiction.
Is recovery from addiction possible without a 12-step program?
Yes, many paths to recovery exist, and different approaches work for different individuals.
How does internalized shame affect LGBTQ+ individuals?
It can lead to feelings of isolation, low self-worth, and a higher risk of substance use as a coping mechanism.
Related episodes
ABOUT CROSSTALK
CROSSTALK reveals real stories of everyday people and notable figures, sharing their journeys from struggles to life-changing 'aha' moments with all kinds .
