Is Your Therapist Listening? The Lost Art of Real Connection in Therapy | Dr. Katzman
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Dr. Katzman shares insights from decades of clinical work, explaining how loneliness carries stigma similar to substance use and why it often goes unspoken in therapy, medicine, and everyday life. He discusses how modern technology, social media, and isolation quietly erode real human connection—and how loneliness can intensify addiction, mental health struggles, and relapse.
In the second half, the conversation shifts to hope and repair. Dr. Katzman introduces the power of connection, improvisation, community, and simple human moments—like saying hello—as real tools for healing. Recovery, he explains, isn’t just about stopping a behavior; it’s about restoring belonging.
Growing Up Feeling “Different”
From an early age, he carried a quiet but persistent feeling that something was off. Not broken—just different. There was an internal sense of standing slightly outside the circle, observing rather than belonging. This feeling wasn’t dramatic or obvious; it lived in the background, shaping how he moved through relationships and how safe it felt to be fully seen.
Later in life, he would reflect on this experience with clarity: “I always felt a little bit different, like there was something wrong with me… I wasn’t ready to see myself.” That emotional distance became familiar. And familiarity, even when painful, has a way of becoming comfortable.
Those early feelings didn’t disappear with age. They matured, quietly influencing how he related to others, how he coped with stress, and how he learned to hide parts of himself that felt inconvenient or vulnerable.
The First Escape
When substances and behaviors entered the picture, they didn’t arrive as chaos—they arrived as relief. They softened the edges of self-doubt and created the illusion of connection. For the first time, it felt easier to exist in the world without constantly questioning his place in it.
What started as coping soon became a way of managing emotions he didn’t yet have language for. Loneliness. Disconnection. Shame. He wasn’t trying to escape life—he was trying to survive it.
Substances became a shield. A way to cover feelings that felt too exposed to face directly. And with each use, the distance between who he was and who he showed the world quietly widened.
Active Use and Deepening Isolation
Over time, the consequences became harder to ignore. Relationships felt more transactional than authentic. Connection became thinner. Presence disappeared. Even when surrounded by people, the loneliness intensified.
He later described this paradox clearly: the very behaviors meant to ease isolation were deepening it. Substance use didn’t just numb pain—it disconnected him from himself and others.
Loneliness became cyclical. The more isolated he felt, the more he used. The more he used, the more alone he became. What once felt like relief now felt like a trap.
Hitting Bottom – When the Mask Fell Away
The turning point didn’t arrive with drama—it arrived with honesty. A moment where pretending stopped working. A moment where the exhaustion of hiding outweighed the fear of being seen.
“Everything was lifted at that moment,” he reflected. “This really wasn’t about not drinking.”
That realization cut deep. The problem wasn’t just substances—it was disconnection. From people. From purpose. From himself.
And if you’re reading this and feeling that same weight—the quiet loneliness, the sense of being unseen—this is where the story meets you.
Getting Help and Relearning Connection
Recovery began not with perfection, but with presence. With being in the room. With learning how to sit with another human being without a script.
Connection became the medicine. Not through phones or scrolling or surface-level interactions—but real, imperfect, human moments.
He learned that healing didn’t require having the right words. Sometimes it started with a simple hello. “Say hello to the person you’re checking out with in the grocery store,” he shared. Small moments of connection carried unexpected power.
As the fog lifted, both physical and mental clarity returned. Anxiety softened. Shame loosened its grip. And for the first time, loneliness became something that could be talked about—rather than hidden.
Life Today – Presence, Purpose, and Hope
Today, life looks fuller—not because it’s perfect, but because it’s honest. Connection is intentional. Relationships are real. And mistakes are no longer evidence of failure—they’re part of being human.
What brings joy now isn’t escape—it’s presence. Being with others. Being open. Allowing imperfection.
His story leaves a clear message behind: loneliness is not a personal failure. Addiction is not a moral flaw. And asking for help is not weakness—it’s courage.
If connection once felt impossible, let this be proof that it’s still within reach.
FAQs
Can loneliness contribute to addiction?
Yes—loneliness significantly increases the risk of substance use and relapse.Is loneliness considered a mental health issue?
It’s not a diagnosis, but it’s a major risk factor for mental and physical health problems.Can recovery help reduce loneliness?
Recovery often improves connection by restoring honesty, presence, and community.Does social media reduce loneliness?
Excessive social media use often increases feelings of isolation rather than connection.What’s one small step to feel less alone?
Making brief, real-world connections—like saying hello—can have a powerful impact.
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